ersatz self-sufficiency

I claim self-sufficiency almost everywhere outside of a kitchen (and other obvious places like airplane cockpits). Need to hang that picture? Build that shelving system? Prepare for a standardized test? Navigate a foreign city? Read tax code? Entertain oneself on a weekend night using only a cat, a paperclip, and a stick of gum? I'm your woman.

However, when it comes to feeding myself, I am woefully both under-educated and under-motivated: most of the time, I live on variations of baked french fries, frozen broccoli, ground turkey, chicken breast, and cheddar cheese. If I'm feeling especially epicurean, I'll make my big specialty: Annie's white cheddar macaroni and cheese, to which I add grape tomatoes, zante currants, and ground cardamom (seriously, it's really good. ...But it's also basically toddler gourmet).Thankfully, I also manage to choose roommates who either love to cook or love to eat out and pay for my food, so it's never really been a problem. My current roommate, however, has the unfortunate habit of leaving the city for extended periods of time, leaving me chefless and hungry. This morning, the lack of milk preventing the consumption of muesli (and the ill-advised purchase of premade Hollandaise sauce last week during a fit of hunger shopping burning a guilty hole in my penurious conscience), I decided to make Eggs Benedict, because, hey, if you're going to fail, FAIL LARGE. Behold my masterpiece, the most ersatz Eggs Benedict ever created ...though I suppose glommed together might be a more accurate description of what happened:The English muffin was reheated from frozen, the Hollandaise sauce was purchased (but reheated in an ersatz bain marie consisting of smaller bowl in a bigger bowl of hot water!), the bacon was microwaved, but the egg... THE EGG WAS POACHED. BY ME. And it was good, too.

I poached an egg!!

At this rate, I just might make it to 30 after all.

Originally posted April 12, 2008.