Hitting someone with a shoe is considered the supreme insult in Iraq. It means that the target is even lower than the shoe, which is always on the ground and dirty.
— The Times, Dec. 15
IN France, of course, it's a waffle. Throw a waffle at someone and you have said, in essence: "I loathe you. You are scum. Your people are donkey traders." It suggests that the target is even lower than a waffle, which is sometimes on the ground if it happens to fall off a plate, and the ground could be dirty, depending upon the ground.
Who's to say why, exactly? Some say the waffle's association with Belgium is enough to disgust any Frenchman. Others suggest it is its annoyingly spongy consistency. Still others say it's the derivation of the word — "le waffle" in French, from the Flemish "wafflintis" and originally the Latin "wafflibus," all of which translate, loosely, to "waffle."
For scholars of insults, what comes to mind almost immediately after a high-profile insulting incident is the central African nation of Chad, where hitting someone with a pair of pants is the highest form of insult. It means that the target is lower than pants, the hem of which, while not on the ground, is often near the ground and, again, unclean. The only problem with this form of insult is that the thrower then has to retrieve the pants, as he or she had been wearing them.
For many years people threw shorts, but almost no one was offended, as the hem of shorts is a great distance from the ground. "We're working on new forms of insult, as well as changing our country's name, which, strangely, is a common first name in California," said a Chadian cultural attaché. "We need to be taken more seriously."
In the former Soviet Union it is not uncommon, especially among the savage Russian mafia, to throw a 68-ton American-made Abrams M1A1 tank. It means that the target is even lower than a tank, whose treads are always on the ground, unless they're not for some reason — say, repairs or what-have-you. In fairness, though, the throwing of tanks appears to be happening with less frequency, due to the near impossibility of surprise, especially at indoor events.
In Peru, meanwhile, people throw their voices as a form of insult. While not technically near the ground, a voice suggests "sound" and "sound" rhymes with "ground," the ground being low and possibly unclean, depending upon where, exactly, you're standing.
Peruvians say that throwing your voice is the ultimate insult because the intended victim doesn't know where it came from. It is not uncommon to hear someone say, "Who said that?!" on the streets of Lima after a particularly cutting remark. The danger, of course, is insulting someone by trying to throw your voice, but doing it poorly and instead moving your lips. The intended victim knows immediately where it came from.
And what of tiny Bhutan, snug between Tibet in the north and India to the south? In this mysterious Buddhist country, perhaps the only one in the world that measures its Gross National Happiness, people throw brightly colored tissue paper, so as not to hurt anyone. The paper falls harmlessly to the ground — a symbol of both lowness and dirt — and the thrower quickly picks it up, disposes of it, and then apologizes profusely.
blue rose garden
